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breaking up is hard to do...

5/23/2016

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One of the hardest things to do is to reinvent yourself after years of doing the same things day in and day out. I like to jokingly refer to this as breaking up with the old me. I also hear the words of Megadeath in the back of my head, "hello me, meet the real me".

​The first thing I had to do before I decided to make this shift in my life from eating anything and everything and coaching on the regular to one of an active lifestyle and clean eating is to really take inventory of my habits. That was a reality check. I soon realized I was killing myself slowly and maybe not as slowly as I once believed.

​I had to totally jump all in... I have always been an all or nothing kind of person, which in retrospect was what got me here in the first place. I started to really examine my inner monologue. These are some of the things that came up in my mind:
​           You don't get up from the table without finishing what's on your plate.
​           I am just fat because I love food.
           I am eating what everyone else is eating.
​           I may be overweight, but I am healthy.
           My weight doesn't hold me back.
           My weight has never gotten in my way.

​Of course this list could go on for days but I will just share the conversations I had to have with myself with these few before I could make any change in my health and most importantly in my happiness.

​You don't get up from the table without finishing what's on your plate. This was always hard for me. This was a rule growing up and there could be a flash flood or an earth quake and the only thing I knew was that if I left the table with even a morsel still on my plate, there would be hell to pay. This makes sense really. My grandfather lived through the Great Depression. No joke, I distinctly remember the stacks of old egg containers stacked up in my grand parents basement, I never really could understand why this was. You are not going to survive another economic breakdown with egg cartons, although you may be able to have paid painting parties with your Crayola washable paints. Perhaps that would get you the money you needed for bread and butter. My dad was raised by the generation who really knew what it was like to go without. These kinds of thoughts were what birthed us fat overindulgent children.

I am just fat because I love food. I really bought this for a long time. No really. I tried to take on this persona of the foodie who just really enjoyed these amazing dishes. Barf. I think about it now and I want to slap myself. Truth talk, we all love food! It keeps us alive for crying out loud! Love is not going through a drive through and eating in your car so nobody you know sees you. That is not love, that is dysfunction!

I am eating what everyone else is eating. This is the one that I back slide on the most. It's true, people around me are constantly eating crap. Yep, I said it... you eat like shit! Here's what I had to realize to have this make sense in my head. My body is different than anyone else's on the planet. Some people can eat truck loads of crap and never gain an ounce. I am not that person. Get over it. Sure it may make me a little resentful, especially during "that time of the month" but truth be told, I have a pretty awesome life so, so what if I look at a bag of chips and my pants start to feel tighter?

I may be overweight, but I am healthy. LIAR! Sometimes we just tell ourselves bold faced lies. It is true I have never had any of the illnesses that go along with obesity. That is the truth. I even have always had perfect blood pressure. Always. BUT it certainly is not healthy to walk up one flight of stairs and feel winded. It is also not healthy to not be able to sit on the floor and get up without feeling like you might pass out. I don't think we need to discuss the body aches you have when your body is carrying double the weight it was meant to carry.

​           My weight doesn't hold me back.
           My weight has never gotten in my way.

I have an awesome bridge I'd like to sell you. Not even touching these. Foolish.

​Sometimes you just have to break up with the old you. "It's not me, it's ME". Don't be afraid to challenge the thoughts you've always had. If you are unhappy with something, change it! You get this one body and this one life, don't waste it allowing the old you to hold you back! You can change yourself from the inside out! It all starts with changing one belief.







1 Comment
Susan Boartfield link
5/22/2016 09:19:06 am

Wow! That is the first word that came to mind. I am so honored to know you, and the respect I have for you runs deep. I heard you say a few times in the beginning of your incredible journey to become healthy, many of the things you listed, as BS.
You have embarked on this inner journey, peeling back the layers of crap in every ounce of fat you shed. This is not about weight loss, this what you are doing...This is about self love. You are loving yourself, you are digging deep, and you are freeing yourself once and for all the prison you created.
I love you so much, and bearing witness to your journey really touches my heart. What makes you an Amazing Coach is in the fact that you realize that losing weight, and becoming healthy is an inside job! With Love, and Admiration for the person you are, Susan XO

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